


Mixed Feelings and Not Second Choices

by love_in_the_city



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mentions of past abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29355612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_in_the_city/pseuds/love_in_the_city
Summary: With Christmas holidays coming up, Aaron didn't know where to spend it until Jean called him up to ask him if he wanted to spend it at Trojan's campus. Aaron agreed with a surprise addition to their plan, Kevin. 8 days spent in California can lead to a relationship to bloom.A Kevarron story with Jean\Aaron friendship and pent-up feelings.(I will try to update the chapter as frequently as I can without a lot of delays)
Relationships: Aaron Minyard/Jean Moreau, Kevin Day & Jean Moreau, Kevin Day/Aaron Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

In two weeks, it would be Christmas break, and Nicky would leave for Germany to meet with Eric. Aaron didn’t mind that, not entirely. He was glad that Nicky would get his deserved break from the disaster he and Andrew are. And get to spend his holidays with his boyfriend. But he felt alone. Last year, Christmas hadn’t felt so festive. Andrew was away and Neil was at the Nest. Everything was off and nobody felt like celebrating. The previous year, they had spent the holidays three of them, Nicky, Andrew and himself. But this year, everything was different. Nicky was leaving for Germany, Kevin had plans to spend it with Coach and Abby as a family. So that left him to spend it with Neil and Andrew. And he did not want that. Not because he didn’t like Neil or he was against their relationship. He just did not want to feel like a burden on them. It would be better if Neil and Andrew spent the holidays together, without Aaron holding them back. Matt had offered Aaron that he could come with him and that wasn’t such a terrible idea, him and Matt were getting along fine as friends but he knew Dan had plans of visiting Matt so he did not want to go with him as well. Katelyn told him he could come with her, even though they were broken up. They were still friends and got along. In fact, she was his best friends. It was her parents, telling her that she would be better off without a criminal in her life so Christmas at Katelyn’s was out of question. He could spend his Christmas break in the dorms, he would not mind that. Not entirely, if you did not count the miserable feeling of loneliness eating him inside. 

Lately he has been getting these thoughts, thoughts of him not belonging to the Foxes. He was not the best player that was for certain, and he didn’t quite feel like a part of the team. He tried to blend in, especially since he started living with Matt. Nicky was part of the makeshift family they had, with his cheerful and bubbly personality. Even Andrew somehow fit there. But Aaron? He didn’t belong to anything or anyone in that group, he felt so out of the picture some days. So that pushed him to closing himself, keeping everything inside, bottling his feelings up. Some days he would not speak at all. On those days Nicky and Matt both tried to get him to speak at least a few words. Matt sitting down with him and playing video games after practice. He was grateful for both of them, but he could not shake the feeling of not belonging, and he certainly was not going to talk about it at their joined sessions with Andrew. 

But with everyone talking about their Christmas break plans, he had to give Nicky an answer on what he was going to do. 

“I am going to stay here” Nicky and Matt both turned to look at him from the couch they were sitting on. Aaron was standing in the kitchen, looking over at them.

“Why” Nicky said concerned.

Aaron sighed, moving towards the couch and sitting on the beanbag chair he had stolen from his previous dorm. “Because I am not going to spend my holiday as a third wheel.”

“You know you could come with me” Matt said. Aaron shook his head, waving his one hand towards Matt.

“Again, I don’t want to be a third wheel. I know Dan will come and visit you.” Matt sighed but did not protest or push Aaron’s words. 

“But I don’t want you to be alone here on Christmas Aaron” Nicky said sounding very concerned. Aaron shrugged but did not respond. He was glad he got this conversation out of the way. Or so he had hoped.

It was in their therapy session with Bee that Andrew brought it up. He should have guessed that Nicky would go and tell his concerns about him to Andrew. Andrew was sipping his hot chocolate with an expressionless face while Bee was talking to them about how she was going to spend her holidays at her friend’s farm house. Andrew was nodding along when he put down his mug and looked at Bee. 

“Did you know that Aaron is going to spend his holiday at the dorm”

Bee turned to look at him. 

“And why is that Aaron” she asked. Aaron cursed Nicky and Andrew both. Instead of answering he shrugged. 

“He doesn’t want to be a third wheel” Andrew said.

“I just thought that it would be better if you and Neil spent it together without me getting in the way.”

“Oh so you think on my behalf now?”

“No Andrew, I just wanted you to have a nice holiday with Neil, is it so weird that I would think of you?” Andrew did not respond to that.

“And what will you do” Bee asked him. He shrugged. No one spoke for the rest of the session until the time was up. 

As they were getting closer to the break, Nicky was trying to convince him to go with someone, anyone and not stay alone in the dorms. Aaron just brushed him off, saying he was okay with being alone. He was alone in the dorm, studying for his one last exam before the break, when there was a knock at the door. He got up to open it. Kevin was standing there, Aaron had to look up at him to see his face better. “Can I come in” he asked. Aaron nodded, stepping aside to let Kevin inside. Kevin sat down on the couch, Aaron sitting down next to him. 

“So” Kevin started but then stooped. He looked nervous. Aaron couldn’t understand why Kevin would be nervous to talk to him. Kevin cleared his throat and started again.

“So, you will be alone on holidays?” Aaron groaned and threw the pillow next to him across the room. 

“Did Nicky put you up to this? Cause I swear to god I told him many times that I am fine with staying here and I don’t need anyone to pity invite me anywhere.”

“No, it wasn’t Nicky, I came here on my own. Yes, I heard when Nicky was trying to convince Andrew to convince you into going to Columbia with them but he didn’t tell me to come here and talk to you.”

“So why are you here then” Aaron said, sounding a bit angry. Kevin huffed out a breath.

“Because I didn’t want you to be alone? Because we spent last Christmas together? Because you had a hard month last month with the trial and everything so I wanted to make sure you are okay? I don’t really know Aaron. But I just did not want you to be alone. You can come to dinner with me and coach and Abby.” Aaron looked a Kevin’s face, puzzled. He did not know how to react to that. In fact, he did not know why Kevin cared that much about him staying alone anyway. 

“Nope. I am not ruining you first family Christmas with coach and besides I don’t want to be there when its awkward.” He quickly glanced at Kevin’s face. He looked, hurt? Aaron wasn’t sure what he saw on the other boy’s face but he was not going to change his answer. Kevin sighed and nodded.

“Fine” he said and picked up one of the controllers that was on the table. Aaron picked up the other and turned on the last game that he was playing. Both of them played silently until Kevin went back to his own dorm. 

Aaron’s phone light up with a text. He was at the library, studying for the last exam he had. It was from Jean. To everyone’s surprise, Aaron and Jean had become friends in those hard and hopeless days of Jean’s healing process. When looking at the bruises or hearing Jean’s cries became too much for Abby, she would call Aaron. Aaron would sit with Jean, nursing him food and painkiller until the other boy fell asleep. It took Jean a long time to start talking. Aaron didn’t mind, he sat in the corner of the room and studied while Jean napped or stared at the ceiling with empty eyes. Jean stayed at Abby’s house long after they had won the championships. Kevin would come in sometimes, both boys would have a few minutes of decent conversation before the yelling started. Either Coach or Neil would go into the room to break up the argument, and Kevin would drown himself in vodka right after. Aaron would go into the room after everyone left, to check on Jean, and that is how their friendship bloomed. Over their heartbroken words, betrayed friendships, the feeling of being alone and not really belonging anywhere. Aaron knew the feeling, the felt it every day looking at his brothers admiring eyes when he looked at Neil. He longed for Andrew to look at him like that, like he cared. He was jealous of the rooftop conversations Andrew would spare for Neil while he wouldn’t even spare a single glance in Aarons direction. He was jealous, he was hurt. And the only person who understood him was this broken French boy. 

Aaron picked up his phone, opening his chat with Jean. 

-What are you doing in Christmas? That was from Jean. Aaron sighed.

-Nothing, dorms. 

-Me too. Aaron lifted a brow up.

-What happened to going with Jeremy?

-I don’t know, I mean Jeremy is nice but I don’t know him that well to go to his house for Christmas? 

-That’s stupid.

-Shut up, why you alone?

-Don’t wanna be a third wheel.

-Come to Cali then. 

Aaron stared at his phone. Jean was inviting him over for Christmas, 2 weeks there until 30th of December because all the Foxes returned to dorms to celebrate new year’s together at Abby’s house. Aaron weighted his options. He would either stay in Palmetto in the cold weather, alone; or go to Cali and spend it with Jean in the Trojan’s dorms. It was still spending the holidays at dorms but at least it was with someone else and not his dorms. He opened his computer to book a plane ticket. 

-I booked a plane ticket for 21st, I will stay until 29th??

-Good I will pick you up. 

They were lounged in Andrew’s room. Neil and Kevin watching a game on TV, Nicky sitting on the floor, Aaron on the beanbag chair and Andrew in his usual place by the window. 

“I am going to Cali for holidays” Aaron blurted out because he didn’t know a better way to say this. Oh hey, you know Jean, who I am friends with but I can see that none of you approve, well I will spend 8 days with him. 

All heads snapped towards his way. But he only turned to look at Andrew. Andrew had one eyebrow lifted, rest of his face remaining expressionless. 

“Why?” Nicky asked. Aaron shrugged. 

“He is alone at dorms as well, asked me if I wanted to go, I agreed.” Nicky was frowning, he wasn’t happy with his friendship with Jean and he wasn’t happy with this plan. 

“You don’t need to be alone in the dorms.” Neil said. Aaron frowned.

“You and Andrew can have the house for yourself, what am I going to do there anyway, might as well enjoy being alone.”

“Can I come?” Aaron turned to look at Kevin. Kevin was staring at his hands folded on his lap, not looking up, his mouth a thin line. 

“You have the dinner with Coach.” Neil said to him. Kevin nodded.

“I know, after.” Aaron considered him. He looked small, almost broken all hunched up in the couch, there was an expression of his face Aaron couldn’t read but could be interpreted as pain. But Aaron didn’t understand what he could be hurt about? The fact that Jean had chosen to spend the holiday with Aaron and not Kevin or something else? 

“I will ask Jean.” Aaron said. The conversation ended there but the tense atmosphere in the room did not disappear. 

Andrew had dropped both Nicky and Aaron to the airport, the entire ride Nicky made comments on how he did not think it was a nice idea that he was going to be alone on Christmas and Aaron repeatably reminded him that he was not going to be alone. Aaron hugged a teary-eyed Nicky one last time before turning to Andrew. Andrew had a blank facial expression that had not changed since the day he told them his plan. Aaron sighed internally and thanked Andrew for the ride. Andrew reached out and grabbed his forearm. Aaron looked up in surprise. 

“You can come back whenever you want, just call me and I will pick you up” and with that Andrew let go of his arm and get back into the car. Aaron did not have time to work out what Andrew’s words had meant, he could have a breakdown over it on the flight, there was a lot of time to do that anyway. 

He texted Jean quickly before boarding his plane. He had called Jean two nights ago, asking if he would be alright with Kevin joining them for four days until Aaron left. Jean was silent at first and Aaron cursed himself for even suggesting. He knew Jean and Kevin were still not in talking terms except for occasional post game texts or some how are you doings once a month. He was about to tell Jean to just forget what he had asked when Jean replied with a short alright. Aaron told Kevin Jean’s response that afternoon at practice and he could swear that he saw Kevin’s eyes sparkle. Aaron was confused with the way Kevin has been acting lately. He always waited for Aaron to change after practice, at Eden’s Kevin tried to make conversation with Aaron, once he even begged in his drunk state for Aaron to not go dance that night and stay with him, so Aaron did stay with Kevin the whole night, just beyond tipsy, chatting about anything and everything. And he realized he did not mind that. Actually, Aaron had known that he did not mind Kevin’s company at all before anyway. He had always enjoyed listening to Kevin’s rants on historical facts or his angry speeches on Exy players who could do better, Aaron himself included. Aaron also understood when Kevin was in deep sorrow after hearing about Riko’s death. On that day, he thought Andrew was going to put a knife between Kevin’s ribs. But Aaron understood, the pain of losing someone who you have spent your whole life with, the only consistent thing however bad or abusive it was. Neil understood as well, but his anger for Riko suppressed his understanding towards Kevin. Aaron could not argue with that, after all Neil had been abused by Riko too. The summer after the championship, Aaron spent his time listening to Jean’s pleasured voice about Riko’s death and Kevin’s shocked and tender voice on their couch in Columbia house. Aaron didn’t mind losing sleep over Kevin’s drunken, sorrowful state, as long as he knew Kevin wasn’t out there doing the mistakes he had done when he was in pain. He and Kevin spent the summer on that couch, late at night, sharing stories about Riko and his mother, both good and bad ones. Many nights Aaron fell asleep on the foot of the couch, curled up between Kevin’s long legs. On their last day in Columbia, before going back to Palmetto, Neil had thanked him and Aaron responded saying Kevin was his friend as much as he was Neil’s. 

However nice Kevin’s friendship felt, he was also getting angry. Why now, after two years spent together was Kevin making the effort to make small conversation with him. Aaron always had liked talking with Kevin, he liked spending time with him. He knew he liked it more than talking with Matt, not that Matt was bad, he was great, but something inside Aaron always tugged every time he talked to Kevin. Ever since summer the feeling has only gotten more and more consistent. He didn’t know what to call it but he only knew he enjoyed being with Kevin because he was Kevin, with his own little way of getting under Aaron’s skin, with his green eyes that shined when he got passionate about something, the corner of his mouth that quirked up when he was truly smiling. Aaron liked all of these things about Kevin, liked seeing Kevin happy, but he was angry. After dwelling on it a bit and having a small meltdown over it he came to the conclusion that it was because Andrew was busy now. Busy with Neil, so Kevin was taking on the best next option after Andrew, Aaron. And Aaron felt angry about it. He did not want to be anyone’s second choice but however much he liked his brother, he knew next to Andrew he will always be the second choice, the inferior Minyard. He sighed and shook his head as if he could get those ideas out of his brain by doing so. He knew he was getting his old issues mixed up with his current life but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t shake the feeling of abandonment, feeling of not being enough out of his skin. He knew he should speak about it with Betsy, Jean had told him to do so. He always replied with why don’t you go to therapy as well then and the conversation ended there. But Aaron was determined to have a long talk with Jean this time and persuade him to go to therapy. 

Jean replied to his text, he would be waiting for Aaron at the airport with Jeremy’s car. Jeremy would leave the next day and Aaron and Jean would have the entire dorm for themselves and California to replace his bad memories with better ones.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skateboarder Aaron? Yes  
> There were enough beds but they choose to sleep in the same bed trope? Yes  
> Talking about emotinal trauma? Also yes
> 
> A whole package story that could come out when two emotionally drained boys spend time together.

Jean was waiting for him at the airport with Jeremy. Jeremy was smiling brilliantly directly at him. If California could take a human form, it would take the form of Jeremy. With his curly blonde hair and tanned skin, muscles filling the shirt he was wearing. A smile plastered onto his face. Aaron tried to imagine Jeremy playing for any team other than the Trojans, but the boy fit into that team like a missing puzzle piece. Jean was standing, more correctly hovering, next to Jeremy, a deep scowl across his face. If Nico di Angelo and Will Solace were to be casted for a show, Jean and Jeremy would fit perfectly, minus their height. This got Aaron thinking whether the pair had something between them, but judging by Jean’s lack of enthusiasm to join Jeremy for Christmas he decided to not mention it to Jean. For now. Aaron greeted them and Jeremy chatted away, asking about his flight, the other Foxes, when Kevin would join them. At the mention of Kevin’s name, Aaron glanced sideways to see Jean’s face, who let out no emotion. Years of practice inherited from the Nest, Aaron thought. 

“There is this place I know that makes amazing vegan food, we can go there tonight” Jeremy said, Aaron shrugged and Jean didn’t say anything. 

“Oh boy, what will the pair of you do while I’m gone, stare at each other’s faces?” Jeremy chuckled, but no one missed the tone of seriousness in his voice. 

“Does Jean not entertain you with his wonderful small talks?” Aaron asked, deciding it was getting way too awkward inside the car, and while it was usually Nicky who took the job upon himself to clear the room of awkwardness, Aaron was on his own inside the car. 

“We came a great way from not talking to few talks, and besides I am not complaining at all, me and Jean share a room, it is only us, so that means more room than the others have but captain privileges” he turned and gave Aaron a big smile, “also Jean has interesting, gloomy, ideas on many topics. They are always fun to hear. I enjoy very much sharing a room with Jean” Jeremy said, turning his head sideways to smile at Jean, who scoffed and looked outside the window. 

“Jeremy is into conspiracy theories.” Jean said but did not contribute else to the talk. It was good, it was a step and Aaron was happy for his friend. 

Jeremy started talking about conspiracy theories him and some other team members were watching on YouTube and he had a lot of ideas on it. He was cut mid-sentence sometimes by Jean, adding his thoughts that none of those things were real. According to Jean, only one thing was real, and that was the fact that Americans payed no respect to the way his name was pronounced. He was French god damn it; his name wasn’t some piece of cloth, it was pronounced Jéan like Jean-Jacque Rousseau. He had a fit every time someone called his name, and decided not to respond unless it was pronounced correctly. He could tolerate certain slip outs. Jeremy found it very amusing to watch the twitch of Jean’s eye every time someone called across him on the field, and thought to himself what Jean would do to him if he learned that inside his own mind, Jeremy certainly did not pronounce the name correctly. 

Before going back to the Trojan’s dorms, they stopped by the vegan place Jeremy suggested. He asked them what plans they had for when he was gone. Both boys hadn’t planned anything, Aaron said they could come up with plans as they went on. The beach, that’s where he wanted to go. And find someone to borrow a skateboard. Skateboarding for Aaron was a kind of escape, the feeling when he went on the board, the wind brushing from his face, the feeling of freedom he left the faster he went, those were all the things he missed. He wanted to skate by the beach, he had heard that they had nice skate parks by the Californian beach. He did not skate at Palmetto, he usually sneaked out to skate during summer at their Columbia house. He did not know why he was trying so hard to hide a part of him that made him happy. He was afraid, that it would be taken from him as well. All his life he had lost the things he loved, to the hands of his mother, his mother to Andrew even though he knew what they had was not love, nearly lost Andrew to Drake, lost Katelyn to her family. So, this small enjoyment of his that gave him a brief feel of freedom, he wanted to keep it to himself. But with Jean it was different. Jean was already a territory he was crossing by being friends with him, so it wouldn’t be a problem to bring out his small enjoyments in this territory. 

Aaron said he would take the couch while both boys slept in their own beds. Jeremy wasn’t happy with that, he wanted to make Aaron comfortable, he said once he was gone next morning Aaron must take his bed. Aaron was okay with sleeping on the couch but Jeremy protested that they should come up with a solution, that it was not nice to make a guest uncomfortable. Aaron didn’t know how they could fix the said problem, until Jean had enough with Jeremy’s whining and told him and Aaron would share his bed. Aaron did not see the reason why they should since there was a couch right there but it seemed to make Jeremy happy and Jean did not seem to mind. 

“Are you sure? Will we fit on the bed?” Aaron asked Jean once Jeremy left to use the bathroom. Jean nodded.

“You are small you will fit.” Aaron rolled his eyes at him and got into the bed. If Nicky saw him right now, he would throw a fit. Thinking of Nicky, he took his phone out to reply to the messages Nicky sent him, all concerned and encouraging him to cut his trip short. Aaron reminded him once again that he would not go and disturb Andrew and Neil. Andrew already ignored him on a normal day, he didn’t want to go through with that when he was the only one left alone with the couple. What was he going to do at home? Nicky texted him saying it was his home as well and he had the right to go to his own house if he wanted to, but Aaron didn’t feel like he had much say over the family decisions that were made. If Neil and Kevin wanted to cut their summer break short to go back to court, they would all drive back to Palmetto. Whether Aaron wanted to stay home or not was not a question. Hell, he couldn’t drive the car that was bought with his mother’s insurance money, let alone the Maserati. So, Nicky was wrong, he couldn’t really go home if he wanted to go. He handed his phone to Jean to put on the night stand when he lifted the covers to get in to the bed. Jean was much taller than Aaron, but then again so was everyone else. Jeans long legs tangled up with Aaron’s body and Aaron kicked at his legs to make room for himself. Jean turned sideways on the bed and creased his thumb across Aaron’s furrowed brows.

“What’s on your mind?” he whispered quietly. Aaron shrugged.  
“Come on tell me, you don’t have to bottle up your feeling next to me” Jean said, still creasing Aaron’s eyebrows softly, tracing a finger over his eyes and nose. Aaron smiled to the feeling he so craved, to be touched like he was cared for. He sighed contently. 

“Nicky says it is my house as well and I could go if I wanted to, but is it really my house Jean? Do I really get a say in anything?” 

“Do you talk about this in the therapy sessions? I suppose not if it still bothering you that much. Why don’t you bring this up next time?”

“What’s the point?”

“Well, it matters if it is disturbing you so much, we should not be held back by emotional baggage anymore, you should be able to talk about what is disturbing you, I am not saying that will be a solution, sometimes saying what you really think is the cause of the problem, but you should let those feelings out, talk about them, if it’s not solved, that is okay, you at least tried.” Aaron closed his eyes and leaned his face to Jean’s touch.

“I want to but I overthink it and get scared.”

“Then stop thinking about it, take a jump. Walk into that room, and blurt it out before you can over think it. Do it for me? I hate to see you suffer with all your thoughts and spiral inside them and can’t escape it.” Aaron nodded without opening his eyes. He was scared if he did, his tears would start spilling. 

“Promise?” Jean whispered into the dark of the night. “Promise” Aaron replied so softly. Jean wrapped his arms around him and held his body as if he were a teddy Jean was cuddling. Aaron didn’t mind, he was tired, it was an emotionally exhausting day, he just closed his eyes and gave himself to sleep in the arms of Jean. 

Jeremy left early in the morning. They woke up to help him carry his bags to the car and say goodbye. Jeremy promised he would check on them to make sure they ate. After Jeremy left, both boys decided to go back to sleep. Aaron made his way towards Jeremy’s bed but Jean grabbed his arm and pulled him onto his bed. They slept till the afternoon. Aaron realized his body was lacking a lot of lost sleep. 

Jean woke him up by shaking his shoulder and telling him they should go grocery shopping if they wanted enough food to last them for 7 days. Especially with Kevin joining them. Standing in the instant noodle aisle, Aaron turned to Jean. 

“Why did you agree to Kevin coming?”

“Don’t you want him to be here?” Jean answered reading the back of a thai noodle package. Aaron took it from his hand and put it in the trolly. 

“I don’t mind, I just a) don’t get why he didn’t choose to go to Columbia after his dinner to join Andrew and Neil and instead choose us and b) how you agreed to it since you guys don’t talk.” 

Throwing a few more packs of noodles, Jean headed out of the aisle. Aaron realized their grocery shopping was highly composed of carbs but he didn’t want to spend his holiday cooking anything. Jean was adding fruit flavored yogurt to their trolly while Aaron bought canned ice coffee. They tasted terrible and nothing like coffee but somehow you got addicted to that horrible taste. 

“I am just angry, not at him leaving the Nest, never for that, it’s just, I had a phone, he could have texted more often, I know he didn’t know how to get me out of there, but no calls, no texts, nothing. I had no family expect for Kevin for all those years and I lost that as well while he ran away and found people who took him in and cared for him. I love Kevin, I really do, I was so happy that at least one of us got out, but I still felt so alone and a text occasionally couldn’t have hurt him. Me? Yes, but him, not anymore. So yeah.” Jean shrugged. Aaron took a step closer to him and took the yogurt out of his hand. This was the last place to have this conversation but then again what was normal in any of their lives. Aaron took Jean’s now free hand between his own two hands and looked up at Jean.

“You tell me to not live with emotional baggage while you carry yours in your chest like a burden. Let it go Jean, he is coming here, talk to him and let it out.” Jean smiled at him, his smile warmed Aaron’s heart, he smiled back. 

“We are going to be fueled on solemnly noodles, you okay with that?” Jean looked at their trolly questioningly. After a small pause “I’ll go buy some carrots “he said nodding his head. 

Dropping their shop bags to the dorm, they walked to the beach. Aaron took off his shoes and dipped his toes in the sand. The sand was cold. Jean sat on the sand, looking out on the sea longingly. 

“Looks like home” he whispered. Aaron sat down next to him and put his head on Jean’s shoulder. Jean shuffled closer to him. 

“Do you miss it?” Jean hummed.

“Sometimes, I miss my siblings and my mum sometimes. But never my father. Sometimes I get mad at my mum, question why she hadn’t ran away with me as Neil’s mother had done. But I try not to think about it a lot, actually I can’t anymore, it’s all blurred. My memories are composed of Riko and Kevin, and some good memories here and there involving Kevin. Kevin was my only family for so long, it hurt to see him drift so away from me.” Aaron nodded, understanding.

“I hated the fact that Andrew could trust Neil that showed up a few months ago and not trust his brother that he lived with for three years. I hated how easy it was for Neil to reach out to Andrew and whatever I did it was never enough. He would not speak to me unless I spoke to him first and that hurt. I didn’t know what I did wrong, sometimes I still don’t know. I want to talk to him outside of Wednesday session you know but every time I try, I am shut out. And then there is Kevin. I enjoy his company, this summer, after you know, the death, it was nice, the speaking, time spent together. But I can’t stop feeling as if I am the second-best option after Andrew for him since Andrew is invested in Neil now.”  
Jean lifted one arm and wrapped it around Aaron’s shoulders. Aaron snuggled closer to him. 

“At this point, we are going to keep telling each other back and forth to communicate, while ignoring it. So, let’s make a promise to each other right now, when I talk to Kevin, you will talk to him and Andrew about how you feel. Compromise?”

Aaron bit his lip and looked out to the sea. He did not like promises or agreements, but this was Jean and his end of the deal was something he already needed to do anyway. He did not know what he could tell Kevin? Hi, I like spending time with you, I enjoy the stories you tell, something inside my heart tugs every time you truly smile at me, and I don’t want to give a name to this feeling I have get every time because it would make it real but I also believe that you are using me as a replacement for my brother, so just wanted to let you know. 

Jean must have sensed that he was lost in his thoughts, he snapped his fingers in front of his eyes. “Come back to the real world, stop overthinking it, just jump.”

“Blurt it out before you have the time to chicken out?” Aaron asked smiling.

“Basically” Jean shrugged. They sat there until the sun disappeared into the blue waters. The air around them started to get chilly, forming goosebumps on their arms, even under the jackets they were wearing. 

“Let’s go” Jean said standing up and offering his hand to Aaron. “We have got noodles to eat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on my Tumblr @delightfulfiresoulweasel I would love to chat.  
> Every comment and Kudos is a blessing :)


	3. Chapter3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of past abuse and drug use but briefly.   
> Healing, lots of it.

Aaron was not a shopping person. He never went shopping with his mum, it wasn’t something that they did together. But his mum did take him to buy drugs, so he would learn the whereabouts, and he could go and buy it for his mum later on. And Aaron can guess that going out shopping wasn’t a thing in a mafia so Jean couldn’t have gone Christmas shopping either. Nicky was the one who insisted on taking the twins Christmas shopping, for family bonding and to feel the Christmas spirit. Waking up the morning before Christmas eve, Aaron decided they should go shopping, not to buy things in particular, but to feel the atmosphere, and blend into normal people life for once. 

Jean was in the kitchen, boiling water to put into the noodles they were having as breakfast. With this rate, they were going to have noodles as Christmas dinner as well. Not their fault that they were broke university students. With the exception of Andrew owning a freaking Maserati. 

He had no idea where Andrew got the money to buy that car from and whenever he asked, Andrew just shrugged. One time when he got drunk, he accused Andrew of hiding money from him that could have helped him get into a med school in the future and not get into unnecessary debt. Andrew had just looked at him and asked if he was worried of getting into debt. Aaron had rolled his eyes at him and said obviously, not everyone was going to get into a good Exy team where they could earn a lot of money. Andrew had taken a drag from his cigarette and turned away from him. Aaron was filled with rage and so close to yelling at Andrew but even in his drunken state he knew better than to yell at his brother. You don’t need to worry about money as long as I am in a good Exy team where I earn a lot, Andrew had said, mocking his words. But Aaron was too focused on you don’t need to worry part of the speech than the mocking. He had stared at Andrew like a dumb fish, then broke down crying, not just tears slipping from his face but ugly sobbing with snort coming out of his nose. He collapsed next to Andrew, where he was leaning onto the car, and asked between hiccups if he could lean his head on Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew had nodded and put his arm around his shoulder. Aaron sobbed until there weren’t tears left anymore. Next morning when he woke up, he blamed it on the alcohol but both him and Andrew knew better. At the end, he still didn’t know how Andrew afforded the car. 

“Hey” Jean was snapping his fingers in front of his eyes. Aaron blinked a couple of times and waited for his vision to be re focused on Jean. “Where did you go?” Aaron shook his head and turned back to his noodles.

“So, I was thinking we could go Christmas shopping?” Aaron asked between fork full of noodles. Jean turned from the counter to face him.

“Why?” he asked. Aaron just shrugged. “To get the Christmas spirit?”

“I have never shopped for Christmas. I don’t even think I got any presents, ever. Not even on my birthdays, even before going to the nest.” Aaron felt his heart breaking for Jean. Aaron never had any birthday presents as well, his mum would take him out for ice cream once in a while when he was small, usually as an apology for beating him. But Nicky had changed that, buying two birthday cakes for the twins, getting them presents for their birthday, Christmas, even easter and small holidays. He would insist that it was important to celebrate every holiday out there. 

Aaron found himself reaching for his phone and opening his chat with Nicky. Aaron loved Nicky and everything he had done for them; he was just not good at showing that love. He quickly texted Nicky, asking him how his holiday and Eric was. Aaron opened his clock app in his phone to check the time in Germany, it was close to midnight but he was sure Nicky would see the message. While waiting for a response from Nicky, Aaron checked rest of his messages. He had few messages from his university pre-med group, he ignored those. Katelyn had sent him photos of her dogs back at home and he sent her a quick photo of Jean lifting noodles up to his mouth. He had a few messages from his friends outside of the Foxes, he responded to those with short sentences. The Foxes group chat had blown up, mainly Matt texting everyone, updating them on his life, Renee kindly replying to him and Allison saying that she did not care what Matt was up to. Nicky had sent the group photos from Germany of scenery and pretty churches. Dan was asking Kevin how family holiday was going but there was no response to it. He decided that texting in the group for a change would not hurt him. He sent the same photo of Jean that he sent to Katelyn to the group, captioning it with ‘Breakfast’. Immediately there was a flood of messages. He wondered if any of the Foxes ever slept. They probably did not, to not miss possible teas. 

Matt: Oh man, Jean looks hot even eating noodles. (heart eye emoji)   
Allison: Matt, you know Dan is here right?  
Matt: And she agrees with me, Jean is a different breed.  
Renee: Oh, that’s lovely, say hi to Jean for me Aaron.  
Neil: Is that noodles for breakfast? You are gonna get your ass beaten  
Andrew: tags Kevin, *insert knife emoji*, good luck.  
Kevin: What the fuck guys, that is so not what you should be eating Aaron, let alone Jean. 

Snickering, Aaron got up from the table to head over to the pile of noodle packages they have on the counter. He hoped onto the counter next to the packages and snaped a photo of them, sending it to the group. Jean came up next to him and looked down on his phone. 

“Kevin is freaking out” Aaron sid, tilting the screen towards Jean. 

“Ugh man, you could have sent a photo where I looked better. Traitor.” Jean said. Aaron looked back down on his phone, Kevin was already losing his mind over the amount of carbohydrates they were consuming and rambling about how an athlete should eat better, scolding Jean, telling him that he should know better. Aaron sent a thumbs up and a kiss emoji to chat and exit. Before closing his phone, he saw that he had a private message from Kevin. 

Kevin: How is it going?  
Aaron: Good, how is it with fam?  
Kevin: Good yeah, a bit awkward but Abby is managing to make it look less awkward.  
Aaron: Good.  
Kevin: So, I am coming on 26th.   
Aaron: I know???  
Kevin: I talked to Neil  
Aaron: Good for you. 

“What are you frowning at?” Lifting his head up from the phone he looked at Jean. 

“Kevin is texting me cryptically. I don’t understand the sub-message he is trying to give me.” Jean smiled a him. 

“Bonding” was all he said before he left Aaron alone, sitting on the counter. 

Kevin: He told me that Andrew misses you. 

To this Aaron raised both his eyebrows.

Aaron: He said it like this?  
Kevin: Well, no, but he did say that Andrew kept stopping by your room and opening the door, looking inside and closing it.  
Aaron: Maybe he is plaining on stealing my stuff, doesn’t really hint him missing me.   
Kevin: You know Andrew, I think it does.  
Aaron: And why would Neil tell you this and you decided to tell it to me?  
Kevin: Because I don’t want to you to think that you don’t belong here. 

Aaron clicked his phone shut. He jumped off from the counter and ran to the bathroom where Jean was. Without knocking, he opened the door and barged in on Jean brushing his teeth, luckily. Jean raised his eyebrow up to him from the mirror. Aaron re-opened his phone and showed his last messages with Kevin. Jean leaned down, brush still in his mouth, to read the messages. He straightened and looked at Aaron. “Bonding” he said and spit into the sink. Aaron groaned.

Aaron: Okay

Jean snorted behind him. Aaron showed his phone into his hands. “If you can do better, text him yourself.” Aaron realized what he had done a bit too late when he saw the smirk on Jean’s face. He stood up on his tiptoes, trying to see what Jean was texting. “Here” Jean said, giving his phone back to him.

Aaron: Thank you for telling me, I do feel like I don’t belong with the Foxes or with my own family most of the time. Hearing things like this makes me feel better. I came to Cali partly because of this feeling, but also because Jean and I are friends. I liked spending time with Jean, he is the best.

Aaron turned towards Jean so fast he thought he had a whiplash. “He is the best?” Jean smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, I am” Aaron smiled, despite the worry he felt deep inside his stomach. He was scared because his deepest secrets were summed up in a couple sentences for Kevin to read. Jean put his arms around Aaron. “Kevin cares, he wouldn’t have gotten involved if he didn’t.” Aaron sighed, “I know, but why? Is it because he isn’t Andrew’s center of attention anymore?” It was Jean’s turn to sigh, “You are so dense sometimes, I have known Kevin all my life. I know why he does what he does, but this time I am not going to tell you, figure it out yourself.” He said and left the bathroom. Aaron looked back at his phone.

Kevin: Aaron, that’s not true, if you look closely, the Foxes do care for you, if you still don’t agree with me, know that I care. Alright?   
Aaron: Talk to Jean when you come here, I think both of you need to fix your relationship. 

“Are we going?” Jean asked from inside the room. “Yes” Aaron responded back to him. 

Shopping with Jean was fun, he was a big critique on everything they saw. Judging the clothes, the prices, the way people acted, and mostly complain about American people. Aaron couldn’t hide his amusement every time Jean saw something that seemed utterly rude to him and made a face. 

Shopping two days before Christmas, stupid. Prices were the highest they could be and everyone was paying twice the price to stuff they could buy on the 26th for cheaper price. Aaron decided to buy Jean a hoodie that had Micky Mouse on it, and a scarf. He also bought Jeremy a cooking book to leave on his bed for when the boy got back. He had already given the Foxes their presents before he left for the airport, he hadn’t gotten anyone anything big but still the small things counted he told himself. 

He did not see what Jean was buying since the other boy was across in the kid’s section. That ringed alarms in Aaron’s head and the rushed towards where Jean was. “Don’t you dare tell me you are planning on buying me anything from here, Jean, I will deck you.” Jean smiled at him and covered Aaron’s eyes. “But you weren’t supposed to see what I was getting you Aaron; you spoiled all the fun” Aaron let out a frustrated sound and tried to bite Jean’s wrist. “Ow” Jean said, pulling his hand back and stared at the teeth marks left on his skin. “Dude, you are crazy” Jean said, but there was no anger to his voice. 

“I wasn’t going to buy you anything from here, it’s just that the last time I saw my little sister, she was around this age, five or six and I was looking at the kid’s clothes to try to remember something, anything about her, but I can’t.” Aaron looked to the ground. “Sorry” he said, feeling very stupid suddenly. “Hey” Jean said, lifting Aaron’s head up to meet his eyes, “I was feeling sad before you showed up, your little entrance made me feel a lot better” he smiled, “Besides, don’t apologize for unnecessary things, you don’t owe anyone anything.” Aaron shrugged and leaned in to hug Jean. He liked physical touch, he craved it, he felt comforted in the arms of people he felt safe around. Jean hugged him close to his chest, they stayed there, in the kids’ section, creating a very awkward scene for the rest of the customers, but he did not care. 

Jean let go, taking Aaron’s hand into his own. If this had happened a year ago, Aaron would have let go instantly. Boys did not hold hands, it was wrong, that’s what his mother and his uncle had always told him. But things were changing in the way he saw everything else, the therapy sessions with Bee, Katelyn’s help into seeing the world in a new perspective, his new found friendship with Matt, Dan, Allison and Renee, the motherly love Abby was showing him all the time, helped him shake off the bound his mother had tied around his mind. All these things helped him see life in a new perspective, and ended him up crying in Nicky’s lap one Saturday afternoon, apologizing to him for all the mean things he had said, and how he was acting like uncle Luther towards Nicky and he did not want to be uncle Luther. Nicky had patted his head that afternoon, he did not tell Aaron it was alright but he did tell him that he was glad Aaron apologized. Aaron kept saying sorry and crying the entire night, until Nicky pulled him to his chest and cradled him like a baby and rocked him back and forth to sleep. He woke up in Nicky’s embrace the next afternoon, and clanged onto Nicky’s arm the entire day. 

Now walking hand in hand with Jean, he did not care for the looks they got, he just focused on the feeling of comfort he got from the action. Aaron didn’t know where they were going but he followed Jean along. 

They ended up on the beach, which was more than okay for Aaron. He loved the beach, the feeling of the sun on his skin, the texture of sand crushing beneath his feet and the sound of waves crashing echoing around him. He saw a big skate park right next to where they were standing. He tugged excitedly on Jean’s hand. Jean followed Aaron’s eyes to see where he was looking.

“Skatepark?” he asked. Aaron nodded and dragged Jean to the park behind him. He put down his shopping bags on the floor and headed towards a bunch of kids sitting on the floor. He asked one of them if he could borrow their board just for a couple minutes and the kid shrugged. Aaron flashed Jean a bright smile, who was sitting on the floor, legs spread out in front of him, covering his eyes from the sun with one hand and leaning on his other one. He saw couple of girls pointing to Jean and whispering amongst themselves and he rolled his eyes at them. 

He put the board down and got on top of it. The moment his feet lost contact with the ground was the moment freedom filled him. He was no longer tied down by the burdens this world gave him, he was above them, on wheels, he could step on the ground angrily and roll away from them. He felt the wind in his nose, flicking his hair, the burning feel of the winter sun on the tip of his ears. He was grinning so wide; he had missed this feeling. He missed being able to skate without the fear of being caught, fear of someone taking this from him. He didn’t know how long he was on the board but he heard Jean yelling at him to give the board back to the kid who was leaving the park. He skated towards the kid and handed him his board back, thanking the kid. He jogged over to Jean, who was already waiting for him at the exit of the park with their bags. Aaron put his hands inside his pockets and grinned up at the sky. Jean went down the stairs to the beach and they sat on the sand. Jean pulled out his phone and showed Aaron the photos he took of him skating. 

“You look pretty” Jean said, looking directly at him, “You know why? It’s because you are happy and carefree.” He swiped onto another photo where Aaron was up in the air, holding his board with one hand, other arm stretched out, smiling wide. “Your facial expressions are relaxed, bringing out the beauty in your face” Aaron felt himself blush and hid his face in Jean’s shoulder, lightly smacking him to shut him up. 

They stayed there on the beach, watching the sun disappearing into the water. 

On their way back to the dorms, Aaron took out his phone to check his messages, Nicky had responded to him, explaining every detail of what he and Eric were up to. He asked Aaron bunch of motherly questions like, if he was eating, if he was okay, if Jean was being nice to him or not. Aaron replied back to all the messages in detail, and before closing his phone, he typed out one last message. Smiling at his phone, he pressed send. 

“I love you Nicky”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget to leave comments and likes, I would love to chat.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading the story, I hope you liked the first chapter, let me know in the comments, I will try to update as soon as I can. Come talk to me on Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/delightfulfiresoulweasel


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